If you have not read my very first post with some facts about me, then you probably don't know that I am hard of hearing. I want to take a moment and tell everyone about my story.
In October of 2011 I lost my hearing.
I woke up feeling kind of sick, like stuffy, sore throat..I figured it was a sinus infection or I was getting a cold. I didn't think it was a big deal but one thing that concerned me was that my ears were ringing periodically. I told me my mom who said it was probably from being sick and if it doesn't go away/gets worse then to go to the doctor. At some point during the same day I had headphones in as I was watching beauty videos on youtube and I noticed that I could not hear too well out of the right side. Naturally, I thought it was the headphones so I got a different pair, but I had the same problem. I freaked out an ran to my mom. We made an appointment with my doctor and I saw him the next day. He told me the ringing in my ears was called tinnitus, gave me medicine to clear me up and referred me to and ENT (ear,nose,throat) specialist. My dad is hard of hearing, so it was a big red flag when I suddenly couldn't hear like that. I'm not sure if it's hereditary in my family, one day I would like to go for genetic testing. I saw the ENT doctor at the first appointment I could get which was a week or two later. At this point I was no longer feeling sick like I was when I realized I couldn't hear well. So, after a hearing test with an audiologist and some other tests, he diagnosed me with sudden hearing loss, which is also called sensoineural hearing loss. He prescribed me a steroid to take for a week because steroid therapy has been proven to reverse hearing loss if started early. [Do not think of steroids as something only guys use to get fake muscles because there are steroids prescribed to help those are are ill in different ways; for example they reduce inflammation.] I hated being on them but I took it anyway. That was a horrible week. I was a frequent gym go-er at that time and being on steroids I couldn't even walk to my car without breaking a sweat and my heart racing. The week went by and my hearing wasn't any better. It wasn't worse, but it certainly wasn't better.
I remember how sad I was when this happened to me. I was scared and nervous. I had so much anxiety in me I don't know how I made it through the days. I cried like every day, I got quieter, slightly depressed. I found it really hard to be myself. It was really difficult to go from hearing great to not so great. I never even wanted to tell anyone I was hard of hearing. I wasn't embarrassed but I was scared of being judged or laughed at. It sound really superficial to have felt that way but growing up with my dad being hard of hearing I have seen people blow him off just because he can't hear. I wish I could go back and punch all those people in the face! Ignorant fuck-tards! Those are the type of people who get no where in life!
Life went on and I still couldn't hear. I should have gotten hearing aids then but I was so shocked and scared that I wasn't ready for them. It sounds stupid. If your sick you get medicine to help you, so getting a hearing aid should have been common sense. My hearing wasn't too bad, I was still able to hear well and pay attention in class, but it was still gone. As time went on my hearing and tinnitus got worse.
I still went on without hearing aids. I actually got accustomed to reading lips and paying close attention so I got by. When I started nursing school (LPN) a year later, September of 2012, I noticed my hearing really was a problem for me. Like I said before I didn't have an issue with hearing my teachers when I was previously enrolled in a community college, but now I did. Not just my teacher who barely spoke English, but the ones who spoke clear English as well. I was so thankful when I had 3 teachers who naturally talked loud so it wasn't such a struggle for me then. It was also a struggle with other students. Some didn't want to take the time to get to know me because I was so quiet. Had the gotten to know me they would know my story, why I was quiet and the real me. I should have always been myself.
Towards the end of the year, in July, my hearing was so bad that I looked into getting hearing aids. They are so damn expensive. Can you just guess how much..GUESS..a few hundred? Oh no hunni, that's what I thought too. Try a few thousand! They cost as much as a used car; $3,000-7,500! W.T.F! So I had to do some research and find a program/company to pay for them for me. And I found one. The DVR (Division of Vocational Resources) of NJ. What a blessing. I have been e-mailing with them back and forth trying to get it going. It's taken until now to get approved for a hearing aid. Hopefully soon I will have them. I will treasure them. I am so thankful for the DVR and eventually being able to hear fully again.
I am 6 days away from taking the NCLEX-PN exam to get my nursing license. I am so ready to get my life started, to show everyone the real me, to be myself, to be able to breathe and hear freely! I'm still a little scared of being judged as a nurse. But, I know that I'll be a good nurse and anyone who wants to judge me for something that's out of my control can simply fuck off! As a nurse you can't pass judgement on your patients.You don't get to pick and choose.You have to welcome everyone with open arms and heart. I hope all my future patients are thankful they got me.
I am thankful that I have had my family by my side through this tough time no matter what. I have cried, been mad, silent..and they have been there. They are my anchor.
I have learned a lot with losing my hearing. It's important to get your emotions out then deal with the issue at hand. It's not healthy to let things go. Don't let something or someone get the best of you. Be your self. Rely on those closest to you to help you through, you don't have to do it alone. And most importantly..
I have learned a lot with losing my hearing. It's important to get your emotions out then deal with the issue at hand. It's not healthy to let things go. Don't let something or someone get the best of you. Be your self. Rely on those closest to you to help you through, you don't have to do it alone. And most importantly..
<3ForTiffy23
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